home,

home,

where i wanted to go.

(nothing else compares)

apollo and daphne

apollo and daphne, by gianlorenzo bernini.

apollo insults eros for playing with bows and arrows, and as a result, gets struck by one of gold and one of lead. the arrow of lead was shot into the nymph daphne, inciting hatred. the golden arrow was shot into the heart of apollo, inciting love. apollo is struck with love for daphne, who in turn is repulsed by the god, as daphne prefers exploring the woodlands to the love of any man.

apollo follows her, failingly trying to woo her, but daphne the nymph unceasingly escapes him. eros, however, intervenes at this point because he sees how equally they are matched at chasing and escaping. so, he helps apollo gain on the nymph. daphne, seeing that apollo is catching up with her, calls upon her father, peneus, to open the earth, or change her form.

suddenly, her hair becomes leaves, her skin turns to bark, her arms to branches, her feet firmly rooted into the earth. regardless, apollo still sees this tree as his love, and continually tends to her, as he has eternal youth, and promises that she should always stay green. hence, the leaves of the bay laurel tree --the provider of leaves for the laurel wreath, a symbol of grecian antiquity-- have never known to decay.

i'm ready for summer.

tumblr

so i've been following various tumblrs for a while now for nice pictures and whatnot, so i made my own.

http://mmeadowlark.tumblr.com

i could literally spend hours reading theories on Lost.

I'm going through phases of really liking where I am, and really despising everything around me. I get frustrated a lot because I feel stuck. I feel like everyone is so much more accomplished and everyone is doing so much cooler things than I am. Friends, dear and not so, are spread across the globe. The globe. Coming to college has really expanded my perspective. Obviously. People coming from Hong Kong, Dubai, the East Coast.

I sometimes feel like I'm wasting my parents money, because I don't feel like I'm doing anything. I'm going to class but...


oh, I have to go. One of my roommates is locked out. Great.

The first step - especially for young people with energy and drive and talent, but not money - the first step to controlling your world is to control your culture. To model and demonstrate the kind of world you demand to live in. To write the books. Make the music. Shoot the films. Paint the art.

— Chuck Palahniuk

sun breaks free, as a giant torn from the clouds.

What a life I lead in the summer
What a life I lead in the spring
What a life I lead in the winded breeze
What a life I lead in the spring

What a life I lead when the sun breaks free
As a giant torn from the clouds
What a life indeed when that ancient seed
Is a berry watered and plowed

What a life
What a life
What a life
What a life

What a life I lead in the summer
What a life I lead in the spring
What a life I lead in the winded breeze
What a life I lead in the spring



today was wonderful. 73 degrees of sun kisses and freckles and sitting
underneath blossoming trees as the pink heart-shaped petals
flutter around. 

yet i am internally battling with so many negative feelings. being fed
up with people, needing a job, needing to figure out housing next year,
missing my mother, missing my sister, missing you, missing sauvies,
missing familiarity, missing. 

trying to understand.
trying to embrace. 
trying to be focused.
trying. 

hardly.

victoria's secret.


are you kidding me!

nine forty one

i want to stop time. go back to the beach. dig my feet into the sand a little deeper, root myself to the shore. close my eyes. feel the salty wind. open my eyes. see my favorite colors. see why they are my favorite colors.

time at home is never quite enough.

i miss

- andrew
- cathy cain
- walking into T-9
- setting up art shows
- getting texts from certain numbers
- "crystal i love you!"
- driving gus
- sun rays, friends in the seats next to me, driving away from (the) sunset
- holding calum as he wakes up from a nap and the way his body fits into my arms
- having money
- the dearests
- not having a headache


When I'm coming over Sunday
and I think about you all the time,
I wonder what you're doin
I wonder why you never cry,
When Boston's always raining,
And we never ever seemed alive,
I sung about you once now, I guess I might as well

but I won't...
no I won't...

Cause she's already out the door,
she's already out of here
she's already gone away...already gone away...

happiness

okay, stop whatever you're doing.

sincerely, _______.

today i made "good luck with finals" notecards, some directly for certain friends who all live in the same hall, and put them outside their dorm rooms. i also made around 25 basic cards with the same message, without names, and threw them about the hall and stairway. i did not sign these cards. no one knows it was me. they are unfamiliar with my writing/drawing style. i put a lot of effort into these cards, using prismacolor pens and markers.

the element of anonymity is testing my ego. i'm trying to not tell them it was me, in search for gratitude and recognition. this is hard.


in other news, i am done with finals. my family is going to the beach sunday through wednesday. i watched pride and prejudice. today is a good day.

"When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky."

-Buddha

all the sea horses

just happy to be

thursday morn

yoshimi battles the pink robots pt. I
toasted bagel with cream cheese and homemade blackberry jam
tea, the way i've had it for my whole life (black, milk, sugar cubes)
sunshine
today is good. it will be stressful because 3D presentation and the start of the portuguese final. but today is good.

i can't wait until the days when i can nap in the sun.

in the studio, four forty one

this is my final. it doesn't look so great from this perspective but i feel kind of awkward walking around taking pictures with my computer when there are other people working in the studio as well. the pieces are all hovering an inch or two above the table plane, except the tea pot itself. it's tilted, as if it were pouring tea into the cup.

i need to think of why i did this / how i incorporated what we learned / used this term in this class. i think i'm going to talk about tea being something i've known my whole life, and the trellis representing drinking tea in a garden at dusk. the pieces are broken and put back together, reflecting my family being pieces of a larger whole. we are complete together, yet at the same time there are pieces missing. and it incorporates what we've been going over this term, in terms of negative and positive space, and particular the relationship with the ground plane. i think for showing it tomorrow i'm not going to have a table underneath it but sit in front of it, as if it were set for me. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

that is a lot of m's.

my ears hurt from these earbuds. i have art history discussion in 20 minutes.

oh and that big stupid black thing is a classmates project, a tree made of tires. except the brances are PVC pipes and they look kind of ugly. the clever part is the tireswing made out of wood.

har har

"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music."

-Aldous Huxley, Music at Night, 1931

we went out to play for the evening
and wanted to hold on to the feeling
and the stretch in the sun
and the breathlessness as we run
to the beach endlessly
as the sun creeps up on the sea...

"lille" - lisa hannigan

i miss everyone i've ever met and

eight twenty nine

bad things about today:
- no more chocolate chip cookies
- journalism final tomorrow morning. i need to do very well on this.
- got shampoo in my eye whilst in the shower
- everyone is tired and anxious for finals

good things about today:
- finished 3D design final project : broken (complete) tea set, reassembled and suspended from a trellis, suspended from the ceiling
- had a delicious cucumber sandwich for lunch
- friends (re: michael and my extensive sword fight/battle late last night in the vacant art building)
- tomorrow is wednesday, meaning the weekend essentially starts.

ten forty five

wake up, 7:49, puffy eyes, no time for breakfast, pants over leggings, jacket over sweatshirt, white converse, backpack, keys.

ice on the stairs, almost fall off railing, awake, california - rogue wave, frosty grass, noisy birds, note contrast, 8:15, not that many people on campus, old man offers new testament by the library, too tired.

notice how cold it is, heat wave upon entering journalism classroom, walk up stairs, almost vacant classroom, seat in the back, 90 minutes pass, walk down stairs, snow.

notice how cold it is, hunger sets in, mmm nap, tempted to lay down on the grass, remember it's snowing, something good - red river, alley to apartment blocked by tow truck, walk around, bitter feelings towards driver of tow truck, almost run up stairs, unlock the door, warmth.

desk, koala crisps, white winter hymnal - fleet foxes, look over left shoulder, bed is looking mighty comfortable, sun shining through curtains?, no art history class, need to work on 3D design final but studio is in use noon-three, not enough time to put in solid amount of work from now until then.

.... nap.

well, maybe.

the landslide will bring it down.


goodnight.

spongebob: what do you usually do when i'm gone?
patrick: wait for you to come back.

"Cemeteries in Bohemia are like gardens. The graves are covered with grass and colorful flowers. Modest tombstones are lost in the greenery. When the sun goes down, the cemetery sparkles with tiny candles. It looks as though the dead are dancing at a children’s ball. Yes, a children’s ball, because the dead are as innocent as children. No matter how brutal life becomes, peace always reigns in the cemetery. Even in wartime, in Hitler’s time, in Stalin’s time, through all occupations. When she felt low, she would get into the car, leave Prague far behind, and walk through one or another of the country cemeteries she loved so well. Against a backdrop of blue hills, they were as beautiful as a lullaby.
For Franz, a cemetery was an ugly dump of stones and bones."

-The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera

little things.

how much do you love life right now.

apples

"Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don’t want to reach for the good ones because they’re afraid of falling & getting hurt. Instead they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren’t as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think that there is something wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing. That is why we just have to be a little patient & the right boy, the one who takes a chance to find the good, right apple, will come someday." - Anonymous

this made me think.

what constitutes a good or bad girl.
and when is that choice made for a girl to be either.
or if such categories even exist.

with girls, probably not. things are never black or white.

this is how i feel today.

i really like looking at people's workspaces.

first: i dont remember whose work this is, but he's a fun illustrator who makes decals and things particularly for the home

second: pottery barn. drool.

third: albert einstein's.

happy saturday

to do.

1. Go on a search for as many good climbing trees as possible, climb as high as you both can in all of them, compile photo evidence
2. Go to a major chain bookstore, and leave notes to future readers in copies of your favorite books
3. Have her dress up as a ghost and you dress uup us Pacman. Walk around downtown holding hands, and whenever anyone sees you two, pretend to be embarrassed, and run off screaming “wocka wocka wocka.”
4. Create photo evidence suggesting that you went on an adventure that didn’t really happen
5. Dress up as superherous and stop at least one petty crime “ie. jaywalking, littering….”
6. Build forts out of furniture and blankets, and wage war with paper airplanes.
7. Try and visit as many people as you can in one night, and turn as many things inside their apartment upside down as you can, without them noticing.
8. Go to the airport, get the cheapest, soonest departing flight to anywhere when you show up, and stay there for a weekend.
9. Write a piece of fiction together. Outside at a cafe. Ask strangers when you get stuck.
10. Dress to the nines, pretend to be married, and test drive very expensive vehicles at an auto dealership.
11. Do the lamest tourist thing in your area that you have both secretly wanted to do forever. Have an unabashed good time!
12. In the middle of the night, drive to the beach, so you arrive just as the sun is rising. Have a breakfast picnic, then fall asleep together. Bring a sun umbrella.
13. Drive somewhere unknown and have dinner in a city you’ve never been to. With fake names.
14. Go to a minor league baseball game under the stars. Tell each other stories about how bad you are at athletics. Randomly cheer for both teams. Eat lots of Cracker Jack.
15. Go around the city with sidewalk chalk and draw hearts with equations inside on random things
16. Walk around a city and perform short silent plays in front of security cameras
17. With camera and pair of boots, make photolog of a day in the life of the invisible man.
18. Walk around the city all night and find a place to eat breakfast at dawn
19. Go to a restraunt and convince the cook to create something completely new for you.
20. Rent a movie you’ve never seen before. Set on mute and improvise dialogue.

found on some tumblr account. originally a "unusual date idea" list. i'd like to think of it as just something to do with any friends..

the magic's in the music and the music's in me

look what a good time everyone is having..

fleet foxes & beyonce. together.

what on earth.

the saltwater room.

i guess i'll never know
why sparrows love the snow
we'll turn off all the lights
and set this ballroom aglow


[so tell me darling do you wish we'd fall in love
all the time
time together is just never quite enough
when you and i are alone
i've never felt so at home
what will it take to make or break
this hint of love
we need time
only time
when we're apart
what ever are you thinking of
if this is what i call home
why does it feel so alone
so tell me darling do you wish we'd fall in love
all the time.]

listening to: the secret life of daydreams
feeling: a lot of weight, mentally.

my brain feels heavy and dense with stress and to do lists and links and unused gray matter.

i wish mrs. darling (or my own mother, i suppose) was here to sort away these things into boxes while i am asleep.

pt. I

“When I was 13 years old, my beautiful mother and my father moved me from a conservative Mormon home in San Antonio, Texas to California, and I heard the story of Harvey Milk. And it gave me hope. It gave me the hope to live my life. It gave me the hope one day I could live my life openly as who I am and then maybe even I could even fall in love and one day get married.

I wanna thank my mom, who has always loved me for who I am even when there was pressure not to. But most of all, if Harvey had not been taken from us 30 years ago, I think he’d want me to say to all of the gay and lesbian kids out there tonight who have been told that they are less than by their churches, by the government or by their families, that you are beautiful, wonderful creatures of value and that no matter what anyone tells you, God does love you and that very soon, I promise you, you will have equal rights federally, across this great nation of ours.

Thank you. Thank you. And thank you, God, for giving us Harvey Milk”

- Dustin Lance Black, Academy Award winner - Best Original Screenplay for Milk

"Pan, who and what art thou?" he cried huskily.
"I'm youth, I'm joy," Peter answered at a venture, "I'm a little bird that has broken out of the egg."

decisions

sometimes i wish my best friends weren't spread between the four winds.

father knows best

i had to watch this before a journalism midterm tomorrow.. i do adore those dresses and skirts.

home.

weekend visits are always too short.

want

lookbook makes me want summer. now.

college is what children daydream of. it's the permission to do what you always longed to do as a child. staying up late, having chocolate pudding for dinner, playing in the sun, living with your friends.

but there is no giant ball pit or tree house palace.

Annabel Lee

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of ANNABEL LEE;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love-
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsman came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me-
Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we-
Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,
In the sepulchre there by the sea,
In her tomb by the sounding sea.

- Edgar Allan Poe, 1849

time together is never quite enough

this is my favorite song of today

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usR7mMHUhlY

p.s. dont watch the video

2.12 pm

this is what my desk looks like today.

cloudy thursday.

my 3D design class was canceled today. it's not as sunny as yesterday, so today i am going to clean my room. and study for a portuguese test. but mostly i plan on watching the entire first season of Doug.