nine forty one

i want to stop time. go back to the beach. dig my feet into the sand a little deeper, root myself to the shore. close my eyes. feel the salty wind. open my eyes. see my favorite colors. see why they are my favorite colors.

time at home is never quite enough.

i miss

- andrew
- cathy cain
- walking into T-9
- setting up art shows
- getting texts from certain numbers
- "crystal i love you!"
- driving gus
- sun rays, friends in the seats next to me, driving away from (the) sunset
- holding calum as he wakes up from a nap and the way his body fits into my arms
- having money
- the dearests
- not having a headache


When I'm coming over Sunday
and I think about you all the time,
I wonder what you're doin
I wonder why you never cry,
When Boston's always raining,
And we never ever seemed alive,
I sung about you once now, I guess I might as well

but I won't...
no I won't...

Cause she's already out the door,
she's already out of here
she's already gone away...already gone away...

happiness

okay, stop whatever you're doing.

sincerely, _______.

today i made "good luck with finals" notecards, some directly for certain friends who all live in the same hall, and put them outside their dorm rooms. i also made around 25 basic cards with the same message, without names, and threw them about the hall and stairway. i did not sign these cards. no one knows it was me. they are unfamiliar with my writing/drawing style. i put a lot of effort into these cards, using prismacolor pens and markers.

the element of anonymity is testing my ego. i'm trying to not tell them it was me, in search for gratitude and recognition. this is hard.


in other news, i am done with finals. my family is going to the beach sunday through wednesday. i watched pride and prejudice. today is a good day.

"When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky."

-Buddha

all the sea horses

just happy to be

thursday morn

yoshimi battles the pink robots pt. I
toasted bagel with cream cheese and homemade blackberry jam
tea, the way i've had it for my whole life (black, milk, sugar cubes)
sunshine
today is good. it will be stressful because 3D presentation and the start of the portuguese final. but today is good.

i can't wait until the days when i can nap in the sun.

in the studio, four forty one

this is my final. it doesn't look so great from this perspective but i feel kind of awkward walking around taking pictures with my computer when there are other people working in the studio as well. the pieces are all hovering an inch or two above the table plane, except the tea pot itself. it's tilted, as if it were pouring tea into the cup.

i need to think of why i did this / how i incorporated what we learned / used this term in this class. i think i'm going to talk about tea being something i've known my whole life, and the trellis representing drinking tea in a garden at dusk. the pieces are broken and put back together, reflecting my family being pieces of a larger whole. we are complete together, yet at the same time there are pieces missing. and it incorporates what we've been going over this term, in terms of negative and positive space, and particular the relationship with the ground plane. i think for showing it tomorrow i'm not going to have a table underneath it but sit in front of it, as if it were set for me. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

that is a lot of m's.

my ears hurt from these earbuds. i have art history discussion in 20 minutes.

oh and that big stupid black thing is a classmates project, a tree made of tires. except the brances are PVC pipes and they look kind of ugly. the clever part is the tireswing made out of wood.

har har

"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music."

-Aldous Huxley, Music at Night, 1931

we went out to play for the evening
and wanted to hold on to the feeling
and the stretch in the sun
and the breathlessness as we run
to the beach endlessly
as the sun creeps up on the sea...

"lille" - lisa hannigan

i miss everyone i've ever met and

eight twenty nine

bad things about today:
- no more chocolate chip cookies
- journalism final tomorrow morning. i need to do very well on this.
- got shampoo in my eye whilst in the shower
- everyone is tired and anxious for finals

good things about today:
- finished 3D design final project : broken (complete) tea set, reassembled and suspended from a trellis, suspended from the ceiling
- had a delicious cucumber sandwich for lunch
- friends (re: michael and my extensive sword fight/battle late last night in the vacant art building)
- tomorrow is wednesday, meaning the weekend essentially starts.

ten forty five

wake up, 7:49, puffy eyes, no time for breakfast, pants over leggings, jacket over sweatshirt, white converse, backpack, keys.

ice on the stairs, almost fall off railing, awake, california - rogue wave, frosty grass, noisy birds, note contrast, 8:15, not that many people on campus, old man offers new testament by the library, too tired.

notice how cold it is, heat wave upon entering journalism classroom, walk up stairs, almost vacant classroom, seat in the back, 90 minutes pass, walk down stairs, snow.

notice how cold it is, hunger sets in, mmm nap, tempted to lay down on the grass, remember it's snowing, something good - red river, alley to apartment blocked by tow truck, walk around, bitter feelings towards driver of tow truck, almost run up stairs, unlock the door, warmth.

desk, koala crisps, white winter hymnal - fleet foxes, look over left shoulder, bed is looking mighty comfortable, sun shining through curtains?, no art history class, need to work on 3D design final but studio is in use noon-three, not enough time to put in solid amount of work from now until then.

.... nap.

well, maybe.

the landslide will bring it down.


goodnight.

spongebob: what do you usually do when i'm gone?
patrick: wait for you to come back.

"Cemeteries in Bohemia are like gardens. The graves are covered with grass and colorful flowers. Modest tombstones are lost in the greenery. When the sun goes down, the cemetery sparkles with tiny candles. It looks as though the dead are dancing at a children’s ball. Yes, a children’s ball, because the dead are as innocent as children. No matter how brutal life becomes, peace always reigns in the cemetery. Even in wartime, in Hitler’s time, in Stalin’s time, through all occupations. When she felt low, she would get into the car, leave Prague far behind, and walk through one or another of the country cemeteries she loved so well. Against a backdrop of blue hills, they were as beautiful as a lullaby.
For Franz, a cemetery was an ugly dump of stones and bones."

-The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera

little things.

how much do you love life right now.

apples

"Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don’t want to reach for the good ones because they’re afraid of falling & getting hurt. Instead they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren’t as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think that there is something wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing. That is why we just have to be a little patient & the right boy, the one who takes a chance to find the good, right apple, will come someday." - Anonymous

this made me think.

what constitutes a good or bad girl.
and when is that choice made for a girl to be either.
or if such categories even exist.

with girls, probably not. things are never black or white.

this is how i feel today.

i really like looking at people's workspaces.

first: i dont remember whose work this is, but he's a fun illustrator who makes decals and things particularly for the home

second: pottery barn. drool.

third: albert einstein's.